Spellbook (Christopher)

Complete with a bacon bookmark.


A standard spell book used by wizards for holding all manner of spells, rituals, and whatever else they may need to remember. This one also has descriptions of chemicals and various alchemical recipes.

Currently held by Christopher.

Legible contents are as follows:

“In order to decieve, one must understand more about the world than those he wishes to decieve.”
- Christopher Bible, Greasy Wizzard

*A heavy, colorless, oily, explosive liquid. Nitroglycerin can be an active ingredient in the manufacture of explosives and is employed in the construction, demolition, and mining industries. It can also be used by militaries as powerful fuel source. Makes for a good imitation of a Magic Missile.
*Nitroglycerin is also used medically as a vasodilator to treat heart conditions, such as angina and chronic heart failure. I just use it to compensate for the daily intake of triple-fried bacon. Nitroglycerin is one of the most useful drugs for treating and preventing attacks of angina pectoris. Other potential suggested uses include adjunct therapy in prostate cancer. I have not tested this extensively yet; Use at own discretion.

Production of Nitroglycerin:

  • Use a 1:1 mixture of Sulfuric Acid and Nitric Acid.
  • For best results, use White Fuming Nitric Acid and Concentrated Sulfuric Acid.
  • For quick and dirty results, use Fuming Sulfuric Acid (Oleum) and Azeotropic Nitric Acid (70% Nitric Acid, 30% Water).
  • Adding Glycerin causes the whole kerjigger to heat up like an Ent at Mount Doom.
  • If the concoction becomes too hot, the reaction becomes self-sustaining and can quickly lead to the entire thing to erupt and corrode any nearby organic material with hot Nitric Acid and poisonous Nitrogen Dioxide gas that is highly susceptible to explosion. In a pinch, it works almost as well as pocket-sand.
  • Thus, the Glycerin mixture is to be added slowly to the reaction vessel containing the mixed Acid. I repeat; add Glycerin to Acid, not Acid to Glycerin. Seriously, bad stuff happens.
    The whole thing needs to be continually cooled with cold water or some other coolant mixture throughout the process. It should be kept at about 22 °C (72°F).
  • The container should be made of glass, otherwise that damned Acid just eats through it. Also, stir it with compressed air or magic. I tried spoons once, it ate all of them. Make sure to have some method of disposing it quickly, like having the whole thing hanging over a large pool of very cold water and into which the whole reaction mixture can be dumped to prevent an explosion, or onto whomever you feel generally displeased with at the moment. If the temperature of the batch exceeds about 30 °C (86°F) or brown fumes start coming out of it, dump the sucker.

Components: High Grade

  • Concentrated Sulfuric Acid (Min 97% purity, best results at 98+%)
  • White Fuming Nitric Acid (Min 95% purity, best results at 98+%)
  • Glycerol (Self-made)

Components: Low Grade

  • Fuming Sulfuric Acid (Oleum, any purity above 65%)
  • Azeotropic Nitric Acid (Min 68% purity, best results at 70% , with 30% Water)
  • Glycerol (Any kind, but bacon fat makes it feel more homey)

“I tried to be a vegetarian once, but apparently you need a license to take care of sick animals.”
- Christopher Bible, Greasy Wizzard


  • Can be found loosely in almost any deposit, be it earthy, rocky, wet, etc.
  • Sulfur is also found in high concentrations in oil, coal, tar, farts, etc.
  • Smells like old gram-gram’s feet.
  • No flavor.

Production of Concentrated Sulfuric Acid: Has the curious ability to melt anyone that touches it.

  • Burn Sulfur to produce Sulfur Dioxide.
  • Burn this to produce Sulfur Trioxide with Vanadium Oxide as a catalyst.
  • Hydrate the Sulfur Trioxide into Sulfuric Acid.
  • Allow the Sulfuric Acid to condense to a 97-98% purity.

Production of Oleum: Gives off corrosive gas over time. Bugger @#$%ed up my spoons.

  • Burn Sulfur to produce Sulfur Dioxide.
  • Purify sulfur dioxide in the purification unit
  • Burn this to produce Sulfur Trioxide with Vanadium Oxide as a catalyst, with temperatures of 450 degrees Celsius and a pressure of 1-2 atmospheres.
  • The Sulfur Trioxide formed is added to Sulfuric Acid which gives rise to Oleum.
  • Oleum then is added to water to form Fuming Sulfuric Acid.

Production of Nitric Acid: Melts flesh. DO NOT USE FOR MEAT-SOUP!

  • Start with Nitrogen Monoxide, obtained from lightning strikes and burning fuel (coal, gas, etc).
  • Through dehydration, it becomes Nitrogen Pentoxide, which degrades into Nitrogen Dioxide.
  • Nitrogen Dioxide is then hydrated to form Nitric Acid (70% purity).
  • Concentrated Nitric Acid (98% purity) can be formed with another dehydration process in the presence of Sulfuric Acid, but it takes forever.


  • Can be found in any kind of fats or oils.
  • Makes bacon awesome and awesome bacon.

Vanadium Oxide:

  • A real bitch to find, even more of a bitch to make.
  • Looks like yellow powder. If heated enough, it starts to look like metal, but then if dropped in water, it disolves into a mild acid, but then if you drop soap in it, it makes salt.
  • It’s funky.

“Why the @#$% didn’t I learn how to make fire!?”
- Christopher Bible, Greasy Wizzard

Vanadium Oxide Found in:

Patronite (Vanadium Tetrasulfide):

  • A vanadium sulfide mineral.
  • It occurs in fissures within a red shale likely derived from an asphaltum deposit.
  • Can be found near Sulfur or Quartz deposits.
  • It’s uncommon generally everywhere, but can be fairly easily refined, though all that Sulfur makes it smell like aunt Frann after taco Tuesdays.

Vanadinite (5 parts Lead, 3 parts Vanadium Tetraoxide, 1 part Chlorine):

  • Best way to get Vanadium Oxide as well as Lead (for pencils and paint).
  • Dense and brittle.
  • Looks like pretty red hexagonal crystals.
  • It’s uncommon, and is most easily found in arid climates.
  • Vanadinite is especially found in association with the lead sulfide, galena.
  • Other associated minerals include wulfenite (does not look like a wolf), limonite (does not taste like a lemon), and barite (kinda smells like watered down cat piss… maybe).
  • Refine in a well-ventilated area.

Carnotite (2 parts Potasium, 2 parts Uranium Dioxide, 2 parts Vanadium Tetraoxide, 3 parts Water):

  • The water content can vary and small amounts of calcium, barium, magnesium, iron, and sodium are often present.
  • Bright to greenish yellow mineral that occurs typically as crusts and flakes in sandstones. Amounts as low as one percent will color the sandstone a bright yellow.
  • It is a secondary Vanadium source usually found in sedimentary rocks in arid climates.
  • The Uranium it gives off during refining is pretty cool. It’s really heavy and glows under a black light. Other than that, it doesn’t seem to do much.

Also found loosely in Coal, Oil, and Tar: About ~0.1%


  • Burning Vanadium-rich minerals at high temperature will leave a residual Vanadium Oxide powder.

To-Do List:

  • Find out why this kingdom doesn’t have any metal.
  • See if this guy will let me use part of his castle to make a highly-unstable explosive compound for absolutely no reason.
  • And makin’ bacon.
  • Go out and search for raw materials for said explosives.
  • Get some glass-blowers to make me some vials, otherwise I have to try and keep all the materials levitated with a constant, weak Thunderwave and pray to god I don’t sneeze.
  • Guard newly-aquired spoon with my life.

Spellbook (Christopher)

The Wild and Questionable Adventures of Five Lost Souls AbatedDust